I have this spot in my soul chest cavity: bottom right. I’d like to say that I hear an occasional, divine audible voice or that I receive a letter from heaven every now and then, but I don’t. I’d also like to say that my general wisdom and insight make all major decisions with precise acumen so that the results are optimally positive and minimally negative. But, that’s not true either. I’m also a man, so I like answers to be simply ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Bottom right is ‘yes’ and bottom left is ‘no’. However, the answers from this dichotomy begin as black and white but often end in rampant ambiguity leading to the necessity for asking another question. Of course, all this talk about bottom right and left may also be the result of a small piece of chicken marsala that’s been stuck in my stomach for 15 years, but I’d prefer not entertain that as on option.
When I was in college, I volunteered at a small intercity church. My time there felt marked by one catastrophe after another, but I never felt released to leave. Despite all the chaos, there seemed to be some individuals who needed my help. Then, suddenly, both bottom right and bottom left lit up like New York City’s Christmas tree. I fled my position there as soon as I could. Within a few months after my departure, the church was engulfed by a myriad of scandals involving all the major sin categories which also included one dead man. I wasn’t there to sort it out… praise God.
About a year before I graduated from Southwestern, I dated a young lady and the topic of marriage began to swirl around my life. I thought she was great. At some point, I think my dad actually liked her more than he liked me. The problem was, bottom right was stone silent and bottom left was screaming at me like a banshee. I walked away, and hindsight has proven it to have been the absolute right decision.
When I left Niger in 2010 after four years with a large organization, I knew that I wanted to find my way back to West Africa as soon as I could. I wanted to return in a more independent role but wasn’t sure how to do that or if it were even possible. I found myself at a restaurant talking to my friend who is also the treasurer of a small Christian non-profit. A few short weeks later, he had begun to facilitate my mission’s career as an associate with Friends of Faith (you can read more information about FOF at their page on this website). After a previous terrible experience, I felt it very encouraging that someone would trust me and take a chance with me. Bottom right hummed through the entire process, and I will be forever grateful to Ken and all the people at Friends of Faith.
I don’t always seek advice from bottom right. In fact, bottom right and bottom left are usually silent. They only become active when a major decision is in focus. They also have a habit of coming alive when I haven’t actually asked a question thus creating a major decision; that’s annoying. Since they are usually silent, I sometimes wonder if I’ve ever marched right by one of their directives, like the drugged pilot in Mission Impossible 2 who didn’t hear the warning alarms and woke up just in time to see the gigantic mountain and didn’t have time to make adjustments and killed everybody. I don’t want to kill everybody.
Almost every aspect of my efforts in Niger over the past 3 years seems to now be in full bloom. The two Bible schools I work with are using me more and a 3rd could have been added. New Christian are periodically sent my way to be mentored. Opportunities with a Nigerien non-profit have presented themselves. New ideas for possible projects are floating in brain. Many things that have sat in wait-mode have now moved to ready-mode. But, Bottom Right is flashing at me, not loudly but firmly. I will leave Niger on October 2nd.
I want to express my great gratitude to all of you who support me with prayer and finances. My decision to leave has nothing to do with funding. I am in no way unhappy with my life in Niger, quite the opposite.
However, apparently there are things that I need to do, and they can’t be done from Africa. I do have several plans, but they are rather difficult to explain. I will be continuing my education is some fashion. I had actually decided to leave a few months ago but was kept here longer than expected by a previous commitment. As a result, I had to pass on a couple of job opportunities. I now have no job opportunities. What I will probably do, though I can’t be sure of anything really, is take some time to think and to reconnect with my American life and then start a job after the beginning of the year. There are things that I am about to do that I have pondered for years. I have many, many, many thoughts and ideas in my mind, and I covet your prayers. I would like to return to Niger in about four years and feel that this is a feasible possibility. By the way, this not my last post. I will write at least two more.
Taking risks makes for great sermon fodder but can result in the winning of the title iffy-decision-maker. It is often said that the biggest life decisions are made immediately after high school and college. And, I suppose that’s true for most people, but I find that I’m making decisions now that are far weightier than I’ve ever made before. I guess I’ve just never done things like most people. Some people make decisions outside the box; I swim outside the box. And, it’s not necessarily on purpose. Bottom Right and Bottom Left won’t shut up. But, He’s never been wrong before.
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